The Test

The word 'exam' is one which strikes fear in every students mind. We have given papers all our lives..and some where down the line we have asked oursleves why do we give so many papers? what good will it do to us? Answering that question is not the point of this post..infact if u have been reading this blog b4 u would know that there is really no point being made at all. The reason why i have written this is to share with u ppl the funnier experiences i have had in the exam hall..which i know might sound strange coz no body associates fun with exam halls...but who said that i conform to publicily accepted norms.

Many a times we sit for an exam knowing nothing abt what to write as a result we cheat a bit to pass. I admit that i am no saint and that i have cheated quite a few times in my life. There was this once when i went into the exam and found that the invigilator is a real 'pazham' as a result i decided to capitilize on her lack of tact on handling an exam and kept the text book under the table. Initally i was a bit nervous which is understandable as u can get into serious trouble if ur caught and there are many people who are ready to have a go at me when i do get caught...many. As a result i attempted the first part's questions without any 'help'....it was when i got to the second part that things started getting blank.

As planned when she walked out of the room to get some fresh air..that is when i strike. As soon she stepped out..out came the text. But there was only one problem...i had no idea as to where to look as u should know i studied crap for this exam. So i went straight to the index of the book and searched for the topic that currently left me stumped. As looking down and up everytime i checked the book was becoming a tedious exercise i decided to put the text on the table..and went thru it..i instantly got the respect of my junors and seniors(who were sitting with us during the exam)...just like that. As my friends got wind of my 'thorough research' they too wanted to get into the act aswell. Being a socialist i felt sharing the knowledge with them was the right thing to do..unfortunately i think i overdid it..as a result i had 2 sheets with me and a sheet with every guy around me..and it was time to return the paper...

When the teacher said "ok..all of u pens down.." i had just three sheets with me..what do i do..what do i do?? I finally had to beg and bribe and prey to get them back..and still i was a sheet short. She came over to me to collect as my roll number was 7 (damn my folks...why should my name have to start with 'A')...and in a moment of brilliance my friend just threw the paper at my face and i grabbed it and tagged all in a matter of a second and handed it over to her...sheer brilliance it was..

The unforuntate part of the story was that depsite my best efforts..i ended up getting only 52% and the guys around me flunked big time...so i guess it's true when people say..Crime doesn't pay..

MERE SAHIBA

There are times in life when us guys really wonder why the hell do we have women in this planet? A friend of mine even went to the extent of buying a shirt which read "God created women...his only mistake!". The real problem is we don't undertand them. We always keep saying that they must be from a different planet and hence why even bother. The growing number of divorces also explain it to an extent.
I have been privileged enuff to know a lot of women( or girls actually) in my 20 years of existence and i must say life would have been very very different if i hadn't (better or worse is very hard to tell but certainly very different). There are many instances where i have felt that the best friend a man can have is a woman coz they are exactly what ur not...then there are times when u feel that women are the cause of all the problems in our lives coz they are (yes ur rt) exactly what ur not. To put it simply i believe that what can coz u so much joy can coz u as much sorrow....which is why it is important that women should be treated in a civil manner. Why i say civil is because when we love them too much then it will reach a point where we will expect the world from them...a world that men create..and hence such expectations re unrealistic and therefore have only sorrow at the end. At the same time if we are too distant to them..then..we just don't know what we are missing. I think that is the nicest thing i can say about a girl at any given time of my life...so this is to the 'alternate' sex....

You know ur rich when...

If ever there was a doubt that India is on the world stage or not, then the forbes list of billionaires for the 2007 would have answered most it..coz 36(yes u heard me right '36') indians have made it to the list this year, more then any other nation in the eastern hemisphere. Why would that concern me ur u, u might ask and to be totally honest with u it doesn't. But it is when u hear news like this that u wonder how these dudes and the odd dame do with so much money. Being the jobless fellow that i am..i started thinking about it..long and hard and came up with what i would think are the few indicators to ..well..indicate..that u are among the filthy rich brigade...so here it is..

1. When ur home's two phone numbers have different STD codes!!
2. When ur school of pet fishes eats a more lavish meal than everyone in Leskmi lodge(place where my friends dwell..and where i hang out) put together!!
3. When u have a car parked at every exit in CET waiting to pick u up after a hard day listening to Jain and Paddy!!
4. When u keep changing ur cell phones coz the ringtone doesn't suite ur mood!!(i am over doing the exclamation marks, ain't i)
5. When u feel treating my friends is a worthwhile investment.
6. When u engage in a bidding war with ur peers to buy my building sketches.
7. When u buyout the entire CET campus and renovate it so as to form an ideal locale to toilet train ur poodle.
8. When u have a Maybach.
9. When u buy Rinson "the simoqin prophecies" to help improve his english.
10. When u buy me a comb.
    

Viva!!

If ever there was a 4 letter word which could send a chill down any students spine, it is this word...VIVA. I dunno which saddistic @#$%^& felt it was a necessity to include a viva in an exam..but now it has been followed rather religiously in every practical exam that we have. Result: Long agonizing moments of anxiety, stress and all other unpleasant things that happen to people which are not worth writting about.
Why, Why i ask. Why on earth do we need a Viva? What possible good can come from it? Some will say that it will explore the practical proficiency of the candidate. Well those people are just idiots..i swear if i find any student agreeing with the concept of a viva..i'll kill him and gleefully go to jail for it, i and humanity know i have saved them from an unwanted menace.
The following circumstance will just ellucidate further on what i have been talking about (technical terms are not important):
External: What is the use of this test on soil?
Me: Sir...we can find the void ratio and hence the strength.. and... workability...and..
E: oho..u can find workability with this test!...this test!
Me: ...ummm..sir we can also find the...
E: forget it! Tell me..what do we mean by bulking?
Me: Sir..it is the ratio of the..
E: No no..not the ratio i mean the definition. What is the definition of bulking?
Me:..ummmm...Sir i am not sure
E: Ok..then write the equation of the load bearing capacity in a beam having...
(I interrupt) Me: Sir..sir...i dunno
E: ok..then draw the graph for the sieve analysis
i draw the graph from whatevr i can recall
E: Wow..this is amazing... in all my 17 yrs as a lecturer i have never seen a graph like this..
Me: Sir ur seeing it upside down..
E: OH..(turns the graph around)...now it makes even more sense!!...ok tell me what do u mean by Road Note 4?
Me:..ummmm...
E: Let me guess..u dunno..thank u for ur time..do take ur record b4 u leave

And so went a typical engineering practical viva. Wonder why they even bother with this excerise...just cut our marks and let it be...why the embarrasment..why? To be sure this ain't my plight alone..as all my friends have been ridiculed in a similar way at the hands of the EXTERNAL..

P.S: Anxiously awaiting the result of this exam...