The indian road leveller

I could never understand why road users always took pot shots at the PWD minister when they r driving or riding or even walking for that matter. I for one am quite sunthusht (sorry Shah Rukh)with whatever i get especially if it is free. But all that changed after the 25th of march 2006. What is significant of this date u may ask? That, my dear friends, was the day i got my drivers license and hence joined the club of PWD officials bashers (that number is in the millions ..if not billions now).

After another hard day on the road to college and back it just struck me as to how the road is a great leveller. No matter how big u r (i meant in stature ofcourse) u still have to use the same damn road as the other buggers out there. The bigger the car the more screwed u get due to all the traffic jams and stuff. Not to mention in the unfortunate event of an accident, if u just so happen to have a sedan or an SUV ur in for it my friend...big time. The injuries get adjusted according to the make of the car. If what u have is a bike...it would invite a small bruise, the hatcback would recieve a broken bone or sprain which could disappear with a couple of hundred bucks.

However if u have the sedan( say an optra) or an SUV (say a CRV)....the injuries could vary from the laceration of the left tibula (just shooting in the dark here) or crack in the skull. Hell might freeze over sooner before u get over this mess and get the courage to take the car out again. So it begs the question do the indian roads have a pro-socialist tilt to it? Coz this is not just seen in commi-country kerala or bengal (all though the number of spectators are more here) but it is there even in gurgoan, ludhiana or any other godforesaken place in this nation. In other words i do believe that there can be very few levellers that work as efficiently as the indian road network....cheers to the health of the PWD minister. Now if u can excuse me...it is time for me to hit the road...

Making sense of Ma

Like most of u guys out there i too am a mama's boy. Why so i have no idea...partly it could do with the fact that she is with me all the time. The longest i have stayed away from her was during my study hols post the twelfth boards when i went to PC thomas for my entrance coaching (hellacious period that was). I cannot say for sure i missed her during that period of time...but i do rememeber i was in a hurry to get back home after the course came to an end. As i check up the calender i notice that mothers day is no where near and that this post has really no significance other than the fact that i am writing this from b'lore... again away from her.

Mom and i go a long way (ok..that was meant to be funny). Like most moms she too is extremely sensitive when it comes to her children. Somewhere in her mind it has been engrained that the only person who has the right to scream and shout at her children is she herself...and to an extent dad too. Anyone else who has the audacity to reprimand us is in for a tough time. Granted her kids (her on especially...thats me if u got lost in all the third party speak) are no angels...and the fact that I have a run in with authorities every now and then doesn't do her any good. However if there is one thing that i know for sure ..and can bet my house on is that she will always stand up for me thru thick and thin( now that i have put the house on the line she better do so)...and let me tell u that things are always thick for me....always. Her quest for attaining 6 sigma cleanliness is legendary. Sadly her arthritis has become a stumbling block to that quest.

There was a dialogue in Shah Rukh's 'Kal ho na ho' which i liked a lot due to its aptness with regard to my mom and that being.."Moms always think from the heart" or something to that effect. There are a few people that she will support no matter what. One being me ofcourse , then dad , sis and my dog...also Atal Bihari Vajyapee and Sachin Tendulkar. Some how hell, high water, a few Gandhis and the goddamn aussies cannot shake her support for them. Calling her a passionate person is an understatement but always nonone can deny the fact that she is the most practical person in the nut-house that we call our home. Queen of contradictions...that is my mom for u. She has been supportin my interests fomr the time i was able to speak and thus has learnt about cricket , movies and captial markets to keep up coversation with her son. She aint the most tech savvy person in the world...and therefore i am not sure that she will ever read this post...but if ever u do mom..let me take this moment to say...I Love u mom...

Auto Driver

The title might sound like a low budget B-grade rendition of the Scorcese classic "Taxi Driver" but let me assure that it ain't. The very word 'Auto-driver' will give us images of sweaty cream-shirted guys out there to swindle every penny u have got. I myself have gone into quiet a few duels with them with regard to the cost of travel....many of them turning very colourful in a vocabulary sense but off-late i could not help but notice the bright side of the race. The thing i have noticed is that the moment the meter is down u have a completely different person to deal with. Some are friendly, some just go about their business, but most importantly they tend to take shade which is far adrift from what i have described them as before. I suppose all the mumbling will not help unless i give a few examples...and i intend to do just that....

Example 1:

I was on my way to a friends house....a place i have never been before. After a minor altercation with the Auto-Driver (AD) regarding return fare we were on our way (for the record..i told him to tow my line..or go fish..and towing he did). Initially the AD was not enthused about taking me on this trip...but unfortunately this poor had neither the wallet nor lack of appetite to do things otherwise. I asked him to go slow so that i could locate this god-forsaken place were my friend lived. I also kept asking people for directions....and to my surprise the AD also joined the act and asked with the same desperation that i had to find this place. Was it desperation to get rid of me and move onto some other sucker he can swindle or did it sub-consciously become his duty, now that he has to give me the lift, to make sure i find this place and get to this friend of mine who is waiting for me? I would think the later was the driving force...and i was charmed. Sure it was small thing...but charmed all the same.

Example 2:

Another friend of mine miss the bus. As our bus drivers ain't the faint-hearted step on the gas without a worry in the world. This friend who doesn't have any of the athletic abilities that PT Usha can brag about had no other option but to hail an auto and order mercifully, "catch that bus". The AD i am quite sure must have thought in his mind," u got to be kiddin me dear"..but nevertheless gave it his best shot. What followed was a very spirited chase which finally ended up with AD honking with all his might on one hand and giving the accelerator a nice kick on the other. The objective was achieved. They were able to stop the bus ..the girl paid the AD got into the bus and reached college. The AD got paid but might live to regret the damages that might have happened to his 'bread-and-butter'...and did it all with slight grin.

Example 3:

My mom, as i have pointed out in the past is severely arthritic. However there are duties that she has to fulfill with dad being out of town. One such duty quite sometime ago was to repair our cassette player (which is why i stress on the 'quite sometime' part). Once mom got home she was received a welcome from Dog (impy) and no one else. I was playing a game on my comp, my sis was reading a novel and my grand-dad was lying down reflecting upon the life that he has lead. Mom tried in-vain to get our attention which only meant that she was left with two options

1) to pick the thing up herself
2) to teach impy a new trick on how to hold a cassette player on her back

As both these things were not feasible she gave the AD a very helpless look. The AD stepped up to the occasion and helped mom out with the player and went on his way. Oh and before i forget he had already been paid before he helped her out.

There are few more examples but then i fear that it might get repetitive. In short what i would like to say is that we should keep faith in our fellow beings. Not all are out there to make a mickey out of you and that includes the Auto Driver.

A moment alone

Being a part of college like mine one is left with two choices...either u are part of a group of friends who u eat together, study together and do what not together....or u stay away from the confines of a group and mingle with anyone and everyone u want. I choose the latter option for a simple reason...that being that i am no longer in school anymore. One of the main features of going down the road that i have chosen is that u get to (maybe even forced to) spend time on ur own. I am one of those who doesnt mind spending time alone as i find myself very entertaining. Gosh i wish at times i had a friend like myself....life would have been very ....how do i put it...interesting.

I also have a habit of speaking a lot to myself. Now dont go about calling the nearest mental asylum already...i believe that it is a very common thing nowadays. I do have a lot conversations in my head and with many people who i know and whose reaction i can predetermine... Recently i had this conversation with the Lord our God...excerpts of the conversation are given below:

Me: GOD? u there? God!!!
(no reponse...begining to believe that my earlier stance of being an aethist was quite justified)
Me: GODDDDD!! oh come on...answer me God damnit...U there
God: yep
Me: Phew what took so u long...i was begining to believe that U dont exit
God: I exist in everyone dear...why should u be so circumspect
Me: U mean to say U r in everyone and everything
God: ofcourse...why who do u think i am not in?
Me: er...George Bush..Britney Spears...Andrew Symonds...those dudes who did all those Nithari murders...Dawood Ibrahim...Osam-
God: Ok ok...i got it...there are a few messed up souls down there..I admit..but i am in them too
Me: That seems reassuring....even Britney Spears?
God: even Britney Spears
Me: then why do they keep screwing up...u know..that chic keeps getting hospitalized...i mean she has made it a second home of soughts.
God: U see dear...we all screw up a little...some more some less...u don't think that u gone all through ur short little life without erring have u?
Me: hmmm...true..but when U see we..do u include urself too?
God: Yea sure...why not? I could have made mars and venus a bit more habitable..so that land wouldn't have been so scarce...I dunno...somethign about the name Mars ...sounds way too funny to have that on a postal address...don't u think? And dont let me start on Venus..
Me: For a man knows it all...u do seem a bit weird
God: I am the sum of all virtues my dear..all
Me: So tell me...what does the future hold for the world?...how long do u think will the EARTH last?
God: oh for quite a while...dont worry about that... i do have faith in ur people...i just u all do too
Me: But even then be a bit more precise...gimme a number..a year
God: Ok...5632
Me: really! what will happen then?
God: Can't say for sure...haven't plotted it yet.. but if i may be allowed to venture a guess..i would say a big comet will come visiting
Me: I see..interesting...What will happen to Indo-Pak relations?
God: After 5632? well i would imagine it will go up in smoke..
Me: No..not then..in the next 10 years or so.
God: Oh..like that...Pretty much status quo if u ask me. U c dear this whole Kashmir issue is for votes rather than heritage and the like....and with people like Rahul Gandhi being in the forefront i am quite certain they will not even be sure what on earth are they fighting for...but it is one of those things that will drag on...because for the simple reason that it just has to..
Me: oh ok...what about the Indian economy? How big will it get?
God: Oh very big..very very big..we will be the largest economy some day not so far from now.
Me: Really...u mean in the next 5 years ...6 years
God: oh not that close...i am thinking more like 2220..
Me:jeez that's not even close..that is a century from now..what good is that to me
God: Who ever told u that it was good to u...i see things in 70mm ..a year or two is small change in the grand landscape of the history of the universe
Me: Ok the most important question....what about me?
God: a year or two is small change in the grand landscape of the history of the universe
Me: (gulp) u mean i am history in the next few years...
God: If u dont watch out..but if u do..things will move on very smoothly...
Me: oh i c..so what do u think will happen to the Ambani brothers..who will be richer?
God: The Ambani's will both do very well if u ask me... there will be an event which will bring them together and they will merge the demerged and create even greater value for all...not excluding themsleves...
Me: ok need to make a mental note of that...Buy reliance shares pronto...and what abt Tata Steel...how big will that get..will it touch Rs 1000/ share any time soon...
God: Now wait a minute u smart alec..i am not ur stock broker..figure those things out on ur own..

...And so went our conversations...We went talking about religion, politics, movies, girls and so on...a very enlightning experience i must admit...always nice to hear from aperson who can see tomorrow.

Monkey Business

I am quite certain u all know what i am going to write about...ok if i have to spell it out for ya..then it is about the Sydney Test fiasco. Let me start off by saying that i am actually a great admirer of Andrew Symonds. The guy should be called Mr Cricket (i think his 'white' friend Hussey is called that) simply because of the fact that there is absolutely nothing he cannot do. He bats like Bheema with a bat instead of a mace. He fields like as though the field is as soft as a mattress and the ball is as soft as an orange. He bowls both off-spin and seam-up and ends up making a monkey (can i say that!) out of the batsmen. He is extremely versatile and frankly i dont think australian cricket could reach the place it has without him...and Warne and Mcgrath and Hayden and Ponting...ok ok they can reach any where they bloody hell want. However no one can deny that he has brought a dimension to the sport..especially since the aussies have a knack of picking specialist and not really into all-rounders.


Now about all this monkey business. To me it is absolutely disgraceful. The guy doesnt look like a monkey at all. Ape yes but monkey no. Sure they belong to the same family and all...but there is a huge difference between the animals u know. U really cant blame anyone for stating the similarity. U really ought to take care of ur experience Andy. Firstly lose the dread locks. They r hideous to the point that u just dunno whether to wince or to laugh at it. Then dont mess around with ur lips dude...it ain't hip..the white paint that u have all the time provides a very awkward contrast. I am quite certain u take or of this then u could have a much better appearance.

Coming back to the actual incident. Jury is still out on whehter Bhajji actually used that dreaded bad word-Monkey. I am flumoxed here once again. Bhajji was doing quite well as it is being the pain in the ass of all the bowlers why was there any need for him to rub it in further. Besides the footage was not conclusive at all and as a result everyone has come out with their own assuptions. Not one to be left out...I too beleive this is what happened :

Monkey: U @#$@ @##$$%#@@ !! how the hell u hit brett on the back side
Bhajji: Kya? (What?)
Monkey: *&%^* (#$@%# !! u deaf or what ... didnt u hear what i said
Bhajji: Arre thu pehle seedhe bath kar...muhje kuch samaj nahi aah raha hai ( Arre why dont u speak properly first...can't seem to understand a word ur saying)
Monkey : $*#($&*@ *$(#@*#(#!!
Bhajji: oye theri ma ki aankh (oye shove it)
Monkey: did u just call me a monkey
Bhajji: What? Ma ki......
Monkey: yea yea ..u called me a moneky..right there..just there...u called me a monkey...Ricky..oh Ricky...!!@@#!@!@ .. this !#@#$!@ called me a monkey....$#$@***
Ricky: really? did u call him a monkey?
Bhajji: Kya? Arre ye kya ho raha hai (what? what on earth is going on)
Ricky: u sure he called u one...coz i have half the mind of lodging a complaint...the guy keeps getting me out..
Monkey: Yea man...actually that was the point..ur a disgrace as a captain with this bloke getting u out all the time.. lets complain..
Ricky: Yea...think no longer..this is it...we complain...oh umpire!!

and the rest as they say is history.

A year indeed!!

To those have actually taken time out of their lives to check out my blog...(God be with u)...i must say with great pride that my blog has completed one year and that i appreciate u al for visiting and reading. It does amaze me that one year has gotover so qucikly coz it seems just like yesterday that i was sitting with impy and wishing her a happy new year..to which she responded by looking at my with absolute disdain and dropped her head down to resume her slumber.

I too am not the kind of person who really likes to make a big thing about new year celebration. I have never kept any resolution, coz they never last beyond the first week, and i never go out of way to change my perception of life...which is a simple one..it sucks. I infact feel a it awkward when i folks come over to me and plant this huge kiss on my forehead or cheek and give me this big hug and shout, as though i am deaf, the words.."HAPPY NEW YEAR"...this bout of effection i am not used to.

I thing i never fail doing is recounting what all happened the year gone by and generally i end up crystallizing it further and further till i can describe the year in word...Good or Bad. However this time around i am in quite a quandry as i can't say for sure whether the year was a good one or not. So i feel the best word for 2007 would be 'interesting' and that year really has 365 days (whoa, observation avi). That is all i have to say for the moment as i head into a week of total inactivity with my classes only starting on the 14th...that's right my final sem!! I hope u all have a great year ahead...so long...cheers...

Eating out

Ever heard actors and actresses with their fab bodies going on record saying that they are foodies and gorge on anything and everything but somehow they are fortunate that they don't put on weight...well my friends that is all crap....pure unadulterated crap. U eat and don't exercise u put on weight...unless ur metabolism is god-given (which i hear is the case with shipla shetty). I make no bones about the fact that i love food. Those who have seen me in the flesh will know that i am not lying about it. Food and I have had this very intimate relation which dates back to the late 1980's.

Like music and books..i like a variety of food. There is the naadan mallu food that i don't mind eating (good old rice and curd with a dab of lime pickle is more than enuff for me), then we have the mumbai street food (bhel puri, pav paaji...ok now my mouth is all watery), then there is the italian cuisines (pizzas, lasangas and the whole lot)...i could go on and on really. I can confess withou an iota of shame that i live to eat and not the other way around.

Being from a family that was living apart for a long time..eating together was not really common place. By the time dad came back for good, I was well into my teens. As u would know being a teenager has it's own complexities and I was no exception. We were all into our own thing and spent most of our time in our rooms and had our meals at different times. It was only when dad decides to take us out for dinner that we all eat together a family and honestly a part of me always waited for him to make that declaration coz quality time with the family was something we lacked and something i looked forward to.

Our usual joint for eating out was the Trivandrum Club. Dad liked taking us there...coz the enivronment was familiar to him.. He could also play his game of snooker and down a few pegs with friends. Not to mention the most important fact that the food here was easy on the wallet which is a very important criteria for a miser like him. We did not complain much coz the food is quite good there. We have tried other places too..but eventually come back to the club for the aforementioned reasons that my dad cares about. Like i said before eating out gave us the opportunity to find out what all we have on our 'plate' and brainstorm over what we should do about each thing that comes our way. Dont get me wrong it is not that we our totally unaware of what the other is doing otherwise but this is good time to get things out in the open and discuss in length. Eating out also gives mom a well deserved break form her routine and she looks forward to it the most.

Our discussion varies from the Iraq war to who did not flush the toilet. From the volatility in the stock market to the food habits of our pet, impy. As a rule of thumb any left overs of the non-vegetarian kind must be reserved for the four legged thing.. and thus brings about the embarrasing prospect of trying to explain the neccesity of procuring a plastic bag to the waiter..who otherwise would be thinking .."Duffers wont even leave the bones behind". Once the formalities of eating and packing is over the waiter asks whether he should bring the bill..to which my dad would invarialbly reply by saying "only if it is absolutely necessary". Once the bill is recieved and thoroughly examined by my sister and I, we debate about how much we should tip the waiter. With that our entire eating exercise is some what wound up and we head home only to get mauled by impy who takes her frustration, of not being included, on us...mom being the most effected. I suppose there are somethings that cannot be changed even with the passage of time.